Having it ALL

Last week, I had the opportunity to go to NYC for work. As much as I’ve traveled, it was actually my first time in the city, so I played tourist and went to all the hot spots. It was a quick, but fun trip that reaffirmed I am not a city girl.

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While I was there, I met up with an old friend and frolicked around Chelsea checking out sites such as Carrie Bradshaw’s apartment from Sex & the City, the Friends apartment, and Diane Von Furstenberg’s place (I also got to meet her while I was there!).

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After cupcakes and coffee and a major catch up session (haven’t seen her in 10 years!), she made the comment that I needed to share my secrets with her because I seemed to have it all. This was mostly based on what she has seen me post on Facebook and Instagram over the years, and we all know that we only post our best on social media.

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I am also guilty of comparing my not-so-good days to what I see others posting on social media. Sometimes it makes me wish I didn’t have a full time job. Sometimes it makes me wish I could just hop on a plane and go to some far away place to explore. Often it makes me wish that I was the one who found puppies on the side of the road (where are these roads?? I have NEVER found a box of puppies!). But seriously, most of the time when we’re comparing ourselves to others, we’re not in our best spots. WE ARE ALL IN DIFFERENT PLACES. I am not in the same place as my cousin who is almost the same age as me. I’m not in the same place as my college roommate. I’m not in the same place as my best friend. I am not in the same place as the people I follow on Instagram. But sometimes we lose that…. especially when we see people doing things that we want to do or having things that we want or even see people achieving life milestones that we haven’t yet.

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I told this friend that we all feel that way at some point. There were times where I felt like everyone else had it together and I was kind of wading through. I got disheartened after being passed up for jobs. I got even more disheartened when I made it to the next level and then all of the jobs I wanted were in Boston. But each time, something came up and it happened to be just at the right time (but not exactly the time I wanted it to happen). Aside from jobs, I went through the whole wanting to be engaged/married thing, too. My husband and I lived together after four months. We shared a home, dogs, grocery bills… heck, we even rode to work together! It felt like we already WERE doing the married thing, but also, there’s so much freaking social pressure (can we stop that?). I felt like we SHOULD be in that place because people asked me/us all the time, we were of a certain age, all of our friends were doing it, and every weekend I’d see a new batch of rings in my newsfeed. And when he proposed, it was the right time. We are all on our own journey and it’s the right one. I think as long as you’re happy, living the life you want to and headed in the general direction of where you want to be, then you’re in the right place.

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I also made sure to tell my friend that I am fortunate and I know it. I would not be where I am without the support of amazing family and friends, meeting some of the best people I possibly could have early on in my career and retaining a few of them as mentors/sponsors, having the opportunity to go to grad school and while I know I’ve worked really hard at my job, to have my home, to be able to travel, I still attribute a lot of it to being in the right place, with the right people, at the right time. Also, I’m a planner, so I always have my next goal in mind. I’m always saving for the next trip. I have an answer to that pesky interview question of “where do you see yourself in five years?” Wherever that might be for you personally, keep at it. Being persistent, making connections, staying positive and moving forward are the best things you can do. You have to put yourself out there whether it is for relationships or jobs, and while they don’t always turn out the way you hoped, once in a while they do – and you’ll know when that happens. I don’t have it all, but I have all that I need.

(PS – Friend, I am rooting for you. You are so successful in the eyes of many and I know even bigger and better things are coming. KEEP trying. KEEP doing what you’re doing.)

One year anniversary!

Yesterday marked one year of wedded bliss for me and my handsome husband. We’ve had a crazy busy year (new job + travel, buying a house, becoming landlords, personal travel, etc.) and it’s been pretty amazing.

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However, we discuss quite often that marriage is not all cotton candy and candy apples (not even in the first year). But marriage, as a committment you made in front of family and friends and most importantly, to each other, is a job. And it should be the job where you focus most of your energy. Not saying that it should be your toughest job, because if you’re with the right person, a lot of it comes easily and naturally. But it’s work to not snap at your sig-o when you’re hungry (or hangry, as I sometimes get), it’s work to step away from what you’re doing sometimes and focus on what your other half wants to do, sometimes we forget to put the phone/iPad down and listen to the other, sometimes we are preoccupied with our own thoughts, or sometimes we just want to be alone. But it’s important to remember that your other half is your partner, not your enemy. They’re on your side. They want to spend time with you, talk to you, and listen to you.

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My husband and I met as co-workers and I’m glad he’s still my co-worker in marriage. Working together is incredibly important. I know how much it bothers him when I slip my shoes off at the door instead of putting them in the closet, and while it seems like a REALLY LITTLE thing, it’s easy to get caught up in really little things that annoy you. It’s a really little extra step for me to walk over to the closet and something that I should do because I KNOW it bothers him. It’s important not to get caught up in the little things and to focus on the big picture.

Taken by Sarah Photography
Taken by Sarah Photography

Ever since we started dating we’ve talked about goals for our life and our future and we continue to fous on those. We love to travel and continue planning out trips to places domestic and international. We made a list of our Top 5 destinations for each and cross matched (3/5 on both lists were the same). We’re managing owning two houses, although it’s not ideal, and I never wanted to be a landlord, it’s working. The plus is that we’re building equity in our other home and when we DO sell, we’ll be better off. We’re working on making our new house very homey and enjoying spending time in our yard, our rocking chairs and screened-in porch. We’re both very career focused right now and fortunate to be with a good company and doing what we love, or at least what our degrees are in. And we get to spend plenty of time with friends and family (including our new baby niece!). And yes, kids are in the future just not right now.

Taken by Sarah Photography
Taken by Sarah Photography

We don’t have a perfect marriage, but we have a darn good one. We’re still falling in love with each other day over day, laughing until our bellies hurt and there for each other when there are tears. I try to focus on the good, be happy and cherish all the little moments. I saw a quote this morning that said:

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

How true, and how very bad of us. What people post on social media is not them at their worst, it’s laughing, smiling, happiness. Try not to compare yourself, or your relationship to that of others. Try to focus on how to continue, every day, making your relationship the best it can be. Your marriage is yours and your husband’s and you’re the only ones responsible for making it work. Social media has us questioning things that don’t need to be questioned. Spend time in reality, loving the most, focusing on what matters and sticking to your vows. Spend time cultivating a marriage that other people desire. You have your own highlight reel that is by far the most important one in the world.